September 08, 2004
Some Thoughts on Siding with the Truth When it Comes to your Son and the Law
Here’s the scenario.
A young man gets arrested for xxx (you fill in the blank) and the parents are called. Law enforcement says the young man committed a crime. The young man it seems has a different opinion.
One of the biggest diversion tactics our young men are using is to create a smoke screen by complaining HOW law enforcement does its job. The police officer was too rough or he wants to argue one of the little details to discredit law enforcement.
The difficult thing to do is refrain from taking sides. Instinct and loyalty say stand up for your son. Hope says "I want to believe my son." Fear says "I must keep him out of jail."
Stop yourself a minute. Some questions for parents are:
Why is my son in this position?
How did he get here?
Did I tell him this is okay?
Then ask him, "How did you get yourself in this position?" The answer is normally so revealing. This is where the blame game really intensifies. He’ll start pointing: my friend, the cops, you…anything but answering the question, "How did YOU get YOURSELF in this position?"
Remember, perfectly good kids can screw up perfectly good parenting.
You may have done nothing to influence his choices either way and ultimately, he chose to take the risk that got him in trouble.
His risk: his responsibility.
My advice is to be patient and side with the truth.
Listen carefully without response. Answer, "We'll see."
Help him to side with the law and not have a personal opinion about law enforcement. By the way, his opinion about law enforcement will be similar to his opinion about you when you do not support him to do anything he wants to.
If you need to have an opinion, remember, very few people are ever in the wrong place at the wrong time... except in the movies.
Be realistic about your child and his friends. If he is hanging out with the wrong kind of people he is becoming the wrong kind of person.
Side with the truth!
Another tip: Siding with your son against law enforcement will serve only to poison his efforts at becoming a contributing member in your town. Not only will you be cleaning up his mess at home, your tax dollars will continue to clean up his mess.
If your son hates the law tell him to become a lawyer and change it, anything else is just whining!
