January 03, 2005
New Year's Resolutions for Parents of Teens
The start of the year is a great time to review what you’ve been doing as a parent and implement some changes or new tools. I’ve put together the following resolutions as a kind of menu that you can look through and pick from. These encompass a lot, so to increase your success and focus, you might pick just one and stay with that one all year.
New Year’s Resolutions for Parents of Teens
1. Resolve not to do too much for your son this year. Let him learn and grow.
2. Resolve to let your son struggle. Don’t rush in to fix the situation, whether it’s an emotional or physical situation in which he finds himself.
3. Resolve to build a bigger community that includes men who care about your son. Invite more men into your life. Provide opportunities for your son to be with high quality men.
4. Resolve to increase or deepen the friendships you have so that your support can come from someone other than your kids and your spouse. Socialize for your own well-being.
5. Resolve to have limits. Get clear on your own personal ethics and values and resolve not to act outside of them.
6. Resolve to take care of your children’s needs, not their desires or wants. Parent for the long view of their life. (This involves use of the word “no.”)
7. Resolve to have food in the refrigerator for your kids to prepare, rather than give them money for fast food.
8. Resolve to have fun at home with and without your children. Board games, horseshoes, darts, pool, jigsaw puzzles, dominos, cards, movie nights all create opportunities to have intimacy without intrusion.
Posted by Mitch at January 3, 2005 07:10 PMHi, Mitch!
i especially like #5 because without doing that, parents will not be effective. It used to be that people knew exactly what they believed (and I'm not talking about religion here) They knew what they would and would not do, they knew what hurt others and what helped others. Now, it seems a lot of folks struggle with selfishness and haven't enough experience being a vital part of a healthy, growing community.
My hope for this year is that we all make more connections with each other and learn how to work for the good of all of us.
These are all great!
Thanks for the input and support.
It seems even harder now days to hold onto boundaries,limits, goals, values, ground rules ect. There is so much out there now days that bombards both teens as well as parents that it is overwhelming sometimes.
My son is a great guy and is in such a hurry to grow up. "Mr Independent"
I welcome and encourage my sons desire for independence. The problem for me is trying to get my son to also be rresponsible for his actions.
It is hard to allow my son the liberties that he so much wants and demands, if he is unwilling to accept the responsiblities that come along with it.
It is scarey to trust that your son will do the right thing and avoid serious danger, when everywhere is stimulating them and telling them that it is better to be tough, break the rules and do whatever it takes to not get caught or have to take responsibility for ones actions.
I have no problem saying No. Its the backlash and presure to change that no into a yes can be exhausting. (I can understand why some parents give in to the pressure and say "yes" or "whatever" more than they say "No."
It seems like a full time job just dealing with a teenage son. That doesnt even include raising your other child or running a household, or holding down a job.
Thanks Mitch for having a sounding board that we can voice our concerns, frustrations and joys about parenting, as well as being able to read and learn from other parents what they are going through. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I need the input and support so that I can stay focused and be the best parent I can be ( try to be despite the constant pressure to let them do whatever they want.)
Posted by: Queen of 2 Ps at January 4, 2005 04:45 PM
