September 08, 2004
Some Thoughts on Siding with the Truth When it Comes to your Son and the Law
Here’s the scenario.
A young man gets arrested for xxx (you fill in the blank) and the parents are called. Law enforcement says the young man committed a crime. The young man it seems has a different opinion.
One of the biggest diversion tactics our young men are using is to create a smoke screen by complaining HOW law enforcement does its job. The police officer was too rough or he wants to argue one of the little details to discredit law enforcement.
The difficult thing to do is refrain from taking sides. Instinct and loyalty say stand up for your son. Hope says "I want to believe my son." Fear says "I must keep him out of jail."
Stop yourself a minute. Some questions for parents are:
Why is my son in this position?
How did he get here?
Did I tell him this is okay?
Then ask him, "How did you get yourself in this position?" The answer is normally so revealing. This is where the blame game really intensifies. He’ll start pointing: my friend, the cops, you…anything but answering the question, "How did YOU get YOURSELF in this position?"
Remember, perfectly good kids can screw up perfectly good parenting.
You may have done nothing to influence his choices either way and ultimately, he chose to take the risk that got him in trouble.
His risk: his responsibility.
My advice is to be patient and side with the truth.
Listen carefully without response. Answer, "We'll see."
Help him to side with the law and not have a personal opinion about law enforcement. By the way, his opinion about law enforcement will be similar to his opinion about you when you do not support him to do anything he wants to.
If you need to have an opinion, remember, very few people are ever in the wrong place at the wrong time... except in the movies.
Be realistic about your child and his friends. If he is hanging out with the wrong kind of people he is becoming the wrong kind of person.
Side with the truth!
Another tip: Siding with your son against law enforcement will serve only to poison his efforts at becoming a contributing member in your town. Not only will you be cleaning up his mess at home, your tax dollars will continue to clean up his mess.
If your son hates the law tell him to become a lawyer and change it, anything else is just whining!
Posted by Mitch at September 8, 2004 10:46 PMI have been divorced from my ex for nearly 11 years. A few years ago, my ex remarried and my son does not get along with his step father. My son and his step father knew each other for several years before the marriage and got along fine. My son is now 15 and just doesn't understand that his mom is married and that he doesn't have her full attention any more. Unfortunately the step father has called the police on him, nothing serious. Please shed some light and give any advise you can. Thanks
Posted by: Tim at September 21, 2004 08:45 AMHi Mitch my son was at the mall with 3 other friends they all are 13 and two of them he thought he knew. He does not hang out with them anymore. They were at a department store and the two that he know longer associates with stole something and it was on tape. When they all left the store they were stopped by a security guard. I went to the police station, and said to my son were'nt you scared and he said NO I did nothing wrong it was on tape and I knew they would see I did not do anything. I told him that does not matter it is guilt by association. His dad was a K-9 officer so he does not have ill feelings against officers it is just when he knows he is right he stands by it. Even though I still make mention of this sometimes to remind him just watch who you hang out with. Since this incident he does not hang out with them anymore. I know his friends but I dont get to personal but know more than he thinks I do, He will tell me more if I dont push him. I feel he is human and will make mistakes I hope in the future he does not make any major ones. I will support him but I know he is capable of doing wrong. He goes skating on Friday nights where they have an officer there and are not allowed to leave.Saturdays its to the mall to a movie and maybe to eat. There are several parents who drop there kids off at the mall, and they are 13, 14 girls and guys to stay for at least 4 hrs. what do you think about it?
Posted by: Angela at November 29, 2004 10:02 PMI think it is fine to leave kids at the mall while they have business there. I do not think it is ever a good idea to leave kids at the mall to hang out with friends. Young men with nothing to do will do "ANYTHING."
Posted by: mitch at May 19, 2005 10:38 AM
