Mitch's Tips for Parents

How Much Independence Should Be Given?

Independence. Your son wants it. You don't feel he's ready. How do you figure out how much should be given?

How much independence should be given to a young man? The answer is: as much as his accumulated resources can pay for.
Parents should not put themselves in a compromising position in terms of liability so their children can pretend or even practice their autonomy or individuality.
One of the main reasons is that it is dishonest. If the liability for a child’s behavior falls onto the parent or guardian, the child is neither independent nor autonomous. Nor is the child self-reliant. To allow our children to pretend they are these things takes away all ethical, social and moral opportunities for that young person to learn from his or her mistakes.
Autonomy and individuality are earned when a person takes responsibility for all of his actions and pays the consequences of those actions. It does not work well for a young man’s development to be allowed to admit guilt or to make mistakes without repairing the damage done.
For a young man to acknowledge, accept, and repair harms he has committed either by carelessness or intent is true empowerment. This also allows him to go through the necessaryfeelings and emotions to mature both morally and socially. By taking this kind of responsibility, a young man earns respect and his right to live free in our society.
We must stop teaching our young men that they have rights prior to earning this kind of responsibility. Why? Because a young man who holds his rights as a higher priority than his responsibilities becomes antisocial and will be a burden to his community instead of a contributor. This is where we fail our young men and our society