February 29, 2004
Telling the Truth
"Authority is to be disrespected." That’s the perspective I get from many of the teenagers I work with these days.
One of the causes of this perspective is worth looking at more closely. It comes from parents re-shaping the truth in an effort to convince their teen that they are here to protect him.
What sometimes becomes apparent is that children have seen their parents distort facts and lie for them. It puts everyone in a double bind. Everybody knows that parents are the moral and integrity barometer for their children. If a child sees and knows their parent lies willfully, will they respect their parent ? Will they believe the parent is to be trusted with their security needs?
What follows is a rats nest of sick bargains between parent and child. You don't tell on me and I'll be here for you. The parent actually expects a vow of silence from the child and the child is psychologically assaulted with the dilemma. Further, when the parent’s behavior undermines social authority, the child learns to be deceitful to authority. They also will act out this type of anarchy against their parents during adolescence. Behaviors include: being disrespectful, brushing off the parent’s opinions mid sentence, and pointing out the parent’s failings and hypocrisies.
When parents finally realize they need help, the game starts again. The parent has a fear of what the child may say in session. Parents may bribe their children to get the needed help. In the end you have a child angry or depressed because life has forced him to choose between truth and LOVE.
Parents are love to their children. When a child has to choose between telling the truth and betraying love, the fear and anger can seem almost unbearable. Some of these children fall into a "state of stupid." Every answer they have is "I don't know." This is a child who is trying to be responsible for their own reality while caught in the question of whether he will be loved if he is. It can be agonizing for the child.
The "state of stupid" is a result of parents who soften the facts and the child trying to maintain the bond with them while they do it. It is easier and quicker for our children to turn their back on the truth now then fight through the distortions of the truth over time.
The definition of truth is the quality of being in conformity with facts and experience; actual existence. Let’s ask ourselves, with all this at stake, do we really want t
Posted by Mitch at February 29, 2004 03:13 PM
